Thursday, April 5, 2012

My Family



Downer

No one checks blogs anymore right......... Sweet, I can vent! Sometimes love songs just make me so dang sad! I just watched a music video "Here is we - All about us" by Owl City and I just couldn't stop crying. Do guys really love like that? I grew up thinking that happily Ever After really did happen! hahahah I know better now and I realize that perfection is not realistic but would it be possible at all to just find a guy who was respectful and didn't call names or be degrading. Who wanted me and only me instead of some pornography on the side constantly. Who chose his family over his drugs! And his wife over compulsive lie after lie after lie!

I have a great life to be honest. I have a good job, the four best kids in the world, the perfect parents, wonderful siblings, great friends, a home in a wonderful neighborhood. But sometimes late at night or some other times too I just wish for someone to talk to and to really love me. Someone who I can support and love and who is on equal grounds with me. I loved being a wife though its not something I'm against. And I think I was a pretty good one. My x even tells me that, as weird as that sounds. He realizes he screwed up though. Its only been 3 1/2 years since my divorce and I think this time has been really good for me and my kids. I am not a victim. I have had things done to me where I could live like a victim but I refuse to. "Come what may and love it" is how I strive to live. And I am so lucky for all of the good things that I do have in my life. I love my life, I love my kids I just want a little more. For now I will continue to be the very best person that I can be and especially the very best mom that I can be. The other day I took a day off from work and I ended up making cookies. My kids were so excited when they got home from school. Jada told me "Mom, me and Logan were just talking the other day about how we can't wait for you to get married so you can make us cookies every day". Now to teach this child that marriage is not the end all goal and that a husband doesn't save you. I don't want her to be jaded either but someone should have told me that marriage wasn't the only goal in life. No ones fault but my own as I chose very, very poorly both times. And me getting married doesn't equal cookies every day either. I have four kids to support without any child support from biological dad of the first two. I would never expect some guy to come and support me and my kids. My life as a mom is so different than I imagined but we are a family still. Just a different kind of a family. Enough rambling....... The moral of the story is, no more love songs for me as I just can't listen to them right now. :)