My Family

Downer

No one checks blogs anymore right......... Sweet, I can vent! Sometimes love songs just make me so dang sad! I just watched a music video "Here is we - All about us" by Owl City and I just couldn't stop crying. Do guys really love like that? I grew up thinking that happily Ever After really did happen! hahahah I know better now and I realize that perfection is not realistic but would it be possible at all to just find a guy who was respectful and didn't call names or be degrading. Who wanted me and only me instead of some pornography on the side constantly. Who chose his family over his drugs! And his wife over compulsive lie after lie after lie!

I have a great life to be honest. I have a good job, the four best kids in the world, the perfect parents, wonderful siblings, great friends, a home in a wonderful neighborhood. But sometimes late at night or some other times too I just wish for someone to talk to and to really love me. Someone who I can support and love and who is on equal grounds with me. I loved being a wife though its not something I'm against. And I think I was a pretty good one. My x even tells me that, as weird as that sounds. He realizes he screwed up though. Its only been 3 1/2 years since my divorce and I think this time has been really good for me and my kids. I am not a victim. I have had things done to me where I could live like a victim but I refuse to. "Come what may and love it" is how I strive to live. And I am so lucky for all of the good things that I do have in my life. I love my life, I love my kids I just want a little more. For now I will continue to be the very best person that I can be and especially the very best mom that I can be. The other day I took a day off from work and I ended up making cookies. My kids were so excited when they got home from school. Jada told me "Mom, me and Logan were just talking the other day about how we can't wait for you to get married so you can make us cookies every day". Now to teach this child that marriage is not the end all goal and that a husband doesn't save you. I don't want her to be jaded either but someone should have told me that marriage wasn't the only goal in life. No ones fault but my own as I chose very, very poorly both times. And me getting married doesn't equal cookies every day either. I have four kids to support without any child support from biological dad of the first two. I would never expect some guy to come and support me and my kids. My life as a mom is so different than I imagined but we are a family still. Just a different kind of a family. Enough rambling....... The moral of the story is, no more love songs for me as I just can't listen to them right now. :)

Hayden turns 13

Trick candles at home last night. Logan thought it was the coolest thing ever! Too school for cool! ;-)

Celebrating at Grandpa and Grandma Millers. Hayden got a PS3 game from his grandparents and money from everyone else because this child is too picky to buy for. But $ is a great gift for a 13 year old for sure.

Yikes!!!! Another teenager in my house! In all honesty he has seemed like a teenager for around two years already so I don't anticipate much changing. Hayden had a great birthday. We celebrated on Sunday with my family and his dad James took him shopping yesterday and bought him some jeans at Nordstrom Rack which he loves! Me and the other kids got him some skateboard tools, a wallet and some clothes. He seemed to have a great day! Love you Hayden!! <3

Is this my Life???

Seriously sometimes I just sit back and think..... "Really..... this is my life"? Grrrrr But then I think of other trials that I could have and feel grateful for the amazing things I do have in life! I have the absolute best parents in the world who love me unconditionally and they are the greatest grandparents ever! My dad tries to find whatever extra time he can spare to spend with my kids, especially my boys and does things for them that a dad should be doing with them. And my mom is always willing to help me with anything I may need. I also have the best kids ever!! My oldest son Dylan is the biggest example to me! I struggle with different aspects in my life at times and he will just tell me "mom, commit to it!". He tells me all about what he learns in seminary and is such a spiritual young man! He is so very talented as a trumpet player! And he makes the best decisions! I wonder where his strength comes from all of the time. I honestly cannot imagine going through the things he has in his short 14 years and being so solid! Hayden is my comedian who can get under my skin faster than any of my kids but he has the biggest heart and makes everything so much fun. He is a skateboarder at heart and I cannot believe the tricks he can do! My home has become the hangout for him and his friends and I love having them all around. I can always count on cooking for at least 2 extra boys a night. Hayden is just so matter of a fact about everything it cracks me up! He is very goal oriented and is such a good student. One week his grades slipped a bit in one of his classes and he told me that he just couldn't sleep at night he was so worried about it. He also told me that even if he got his grade up in the class he still may take the class again in the summer so that he fully understood the subject. He ended up getting a B which is great to me! Hayden is also a great trumpet player! He loves playing basketball and soccer too. The youth in my ward had a goal to make it to every temple in Utah last year. Hayden made it to more than Dylan did because of Dylans busy band schedule and he loved it! Jada is just my precious sweet girl! She is seriously almost too sweet and needs a back bone at times. hmmm, where in the world did she get that quality. lol She is such a big help around the house and is always surprising me with sweet letters and "surprises." Jada is in Spanish Immersion and is an amazing student too. She loves to read. In fact sometimes I have to make her stop to do something else. Jada is starting to excel in dance and I love watching her. Logan, is my "baby". I never understood how mommies spoiled their babies until recently. Wow, I need to stop. The 7 year old still sleeps with me. I didn't realize it was a big deal until his siblings have started to tease him about it lately. Logan tells me he loves me at least 20 times a day. No exaggeration!! I love it! He loves playing basketball and soccer like Hayden and is a great skateboarder too. He struggled with reading in Kindergarten and the beginning of this year but has improved soooo much this year. I'm very proud of him. He isn't a student at heart like Jada or Hayden but is trying his hardest which is what I care about. I just wanted to put it in writing how special my kids each are to me! I love them with all of my heart and feel like the luckiest mom to have each of them!

Updated pics

So, apparently I decided not to blog...... but, I think I am going to start again. Beware, this may just be a venting site for me. ;-)
All of my pictures are almost 2 years old on here so I'm going to add a couple new ones.

To Blog or not to Blog......

My cute brother Chade (In the middle) on his mission
My dad a long time ago. I love this picture!!

Easter 2009

Me and my newest nephew Conrad

Me and Angie at Wicked (So amazing.... and no we are not wicked... lol)

I obviously have not been blogging. Although I love the idea, since I don't scrapbook or keep my kids pictures organized what so ever, I just don't seem to have time. And I've moved on to Facebook. Does it ever stay the same?? My Space, Facebook, Twitter..... Who can keep up. But for now Facebook is feeling my need to keep in touch with my new and old friends! Maybe one day I'll get back to this and play catch up. For now I'll post a few random last pics.

Finally a New Post

Logan's turned 5 on March 11th. I am so sad that he is getting older. Now that I realize I most likely am not going to have any more babies :( I don't want him to get older so fast. He is so much fun. I absolutely love his voice. One of my favorite sounds in the world for sure. Look how excited he gets when he is opening his presents. Classic!!